Choices, Guilt and Masturbation

These three words have been weighing very heavily on my mind.

Choice. Each day we make many choices, how many times will we hit the snooze button before we get out of bed, what to wear, what to have for breakfast. Some choices seem inconsequential, mundane and other choices can be life altering. You decide to get married. or have a child, quit a job, move across the country. You can choose to hurt someone you love or you can choose to honor them. I have to wonder how we can make either a thoughtless choice or a life altering choice with the same brain and be expected to make the right choice every time. No one expects us to choose incorrectly, we always want to make the correct decision.

Guilt. I am an Irish Catholic so I KNOW guilt. You see I am a pretty good person, I try not to hurt people and if I do I am truly sorry for it. I haven't made of habit of breaking laws or cheat on my taxes so I have never had to admit guilt in the legal sense. So, tell me why do I feel guilty all the time. I suffer from buyers remorse, which is the guiltless persons excuse to feel guilty and be justified. I have been know to feel guilty about things that are totally out of my control, I would go into this further but I am not in the mood for having all my idiosyncrasies under a microscope in a public forum. For those of us who are pretty much guiltless, it is a wasted emotion. Why do I waste so much time worrying about it?

Masturbation. Last night while lying in bed (don't worry this isn't going there) going over my day in my mind, waiting for sleep to come and take me. I listened to the silence that invades my home after the bundles of energy (my kids) are off to sleep. The silence was broken by an odd sound, suddenly I began hearing what sounded like a bored hooker having blase' relations on an old spring mattress! I have a 16 year old son and his bedroom and mine share an ajoining wall! Nuff said, right? As I hid my head under the pillow, my fingers in my ears, singing show tunes at the top of my voice I began to realized that this has been going on for quite a long time. As I finished the last verse of Surrey With the Fringe On Top I began to think either this kid has serious constitution or I am mistaken. Then it started to drive me nuts, I got out of bed and quietly tapped on his door, no answer. I slowly opened the door, he was dead asleep. (Sigh of relief from the author). As I opened the door completely I found that the noise was being generated by his ceiling fan rotating at full force, before I knew it I was sucked into the jet wash it created and I almost lost an eye! My son, the poor innocent party here would be mortified if he knew I relayed this story to you as he doesn't even know it happened as he was sleeping like an angel, so please don't tell him. Of course, I went to bed glad I made the choice to go in and investigate as it cleared my mind and the noise that drove me insane ceased. Needles to say I went to bed feeling rather guilty anyway.

Turning 40

As I think of what I am going to write I obsessively keep checking my profile to see when my age turns from 39 to 40. When I see that then and only then will I know it is official! I don't feel 40, I have been told I don't look 40 and I am really not phased by the fact that I am turning 40, should I be? I am in pretty good shape nothing really hurts when I get out of bed, for the most part gravity has been kind to me. I keep telling myself that my mind is open and my kids aren't too embarrassed to be seen in public with me, yet!

So tell me why is it such a big deal to complete your 4th decade, especially for women? Fortunately for me and unfortunately for everyone else in my life I stopped mentally aging at around 26 and I still feel about that age. I love rock concerts, picking up guys in bars, I'm finishing college again and looking for a new career again, I would rather choke on my own tongue then live vicariously through my children, sounds about 26 to me! Yes, I have plenty of responsibility, for Christ sake I have a son who is closer to 26 then I am! I plan on embracing 40 with the tightest bear hug I can muster, the way I see it along with turning 40 comes nothing but possibility. I figure a 40 year old woman has a great deal of leeway as far as her behavior and I plan on cashing in on that as much as possible. I have read and been told by others all ready in the club that I am coming into my sexual prime, God help all of you!

I have given this a little thought and I have compiled a list of things I want to accomplish in my 40th year. This list is not set in stone, most likely I will not eliminate anything from it but as the year goes on I may be adding to it, who knows! Tell me if I missed anything!

This will be my last year as a tuition paying student (I vow always to be a student of life)

I will make money off of something I write/wrote.

I will have someone (preferably a male someone) do a body shot off of me.

I will go to church more often (I may need to)

I will take better car of my car.

I will see the Who as many times as my MasterCard will allow.

I will try to keep my mind open and my mouth shut! (biggest challenge)

Drink more water.

Obsess less, exercise more.

Be brutally honest

and finally have orgasms as often as possible.

Sounds like a plan to me, I think 40 is going to be fun!